Monday, 16 December 2013

Past 1 month

It has been a good one month since I last blogged and in this period of time, I have been amazed at the milestones that Naomi has reached. Firstly, she is able to sit steadily on her own. Secondly, at 7.5months old, she is able to clap her hands and does so whenever she hears music or when someone asks her to! Just last week, she learnt to fall backwards upon command (grandma taught her this and she falls back whenever we say 'pon chiak'!). Two days ago, she learnt how to reject people's interest and desire to carry her by turning away from them and clinging on tightly to my shirt. And today, she learnt how to wave bye-bye! All these happened so quickly and without warning. I sure am glad to be able to witness them and I give glory to God!

I thank God that throughout this course of time, Naomi has been a very cheerful baby who hardly cries. It is indeed an answered prayer for I prayed specifically while Naomi was in my womb, that she would be a happy baby (auntie joyce, not sure if you remember, but you prayed the same prayer for Naomi too). And Naomi has learnt to show affection to papa, mummy and her grandparents too! I will always remember the first time she used her tiny hands to draw my head to herself and then rested her cheeks against mine for a good 30seconds (14 dec 2013). This lovable baby loves hugs and kisses too and would spontaneously rest her head on the chest of mummy or papa. These heart-warming moments, I will always remember and I sincerely thank God for this precious gift of life. Thank you Lord for entrusting Naomi to the care of kevin and myself.

However, I am not going to deny the challenges that have come along our way. In fact, to put it simply, it has brought much upheaval to our lives and lifestyles. Even though it has been eight months, Kevin and I are still adjusting to our new family life together. I wouldn't deny that there were times where there was tension between us, two exhausted and often times, clueless individuals trying hard to adapt to being parents. It didn't help that there was no support peer group going through a similar life station, and that made it tougher. But our trust and confidence is in the Lord, that He will see us through. Also, it does get better as Naomi gets older. She is less sticky to me and I am able to leave her with familiar family members for a period of time to take a break. Kevin has also been the sweetest in relieving me even though I know he is equally deadbeat. During this season, I have also entertained thoughts of returning to work on a part-time basis, just to keep my sanity. However, I need, once again to hear from the Lord and know his call for my life during this season of time. I need that reassurance from the Lord that this is what He has called me to do and to rest in His faithfulness that He will carry me through! If I were to search my heart, this is truly the toughest call of God upon my life thus far, and I do wonder if I will survive and whether my labour in the lord will be in vain. I do not think that not being a sahm makes one less worthy as a mother. However, what matters is the call of God. Many may call me foolish to give up a secure job to stay home to look after Naomi when there are so many good alternatives. But the cry of my heart is to obey the Lord, more than taking care of the well-being of my child. When I obey Him, I know that He will take care of Naomi.

Sweetest Naomi, I do not need you to be a bright child or even a well-rounded child, mummy just want you to know that you are well-loved, by your abba papa, papa and mummy. Be happy and live unto the Lord.

Sunday, 3 November 2013

Lovable moments

Here is a list of the lovable moments with sweet Naomi, a perk-me-up which works even better than coffee:

1. She wakes me up in the morning, pats on my arm till I turn my face towards her, and through groggy eyes, I see her beaming up at me. I forget all my tiredness.

2. She laughs despite my feeble attempts at play (i'm so bad at play, I think only Naomi would be intrigued by me).

3. In the middle of the night, she raises her legs and immediately, it is followed by a fart. She then slams her elephant thighs down again, all while being sound asleep.

4. She awakes in the middle of a nap, babbles to herself and in two minutes, falls straight back to sleep again. I am dumbfounded!

5. She calms immediately upon hearing my voice even though she may be crying inconsolably the moment before.

6. She chuckles in great delight and kicks her legs when she thinks papa is playing hide-and-seek with her (even though he wasn't haha).

7. For no rhyme or reason, she looks up at me and flashes the sweetest smile (you know, each smile somehow looks different and conotes a different meaning).

8. T.H.E moment when I discovered her first attempt to crawl (legs curled, butt lifted). Ok, I was esctatically calling out to my hubby to look!

9. She opens her arms to me when I raise my hands to carry her.

10. She strokes my face and 'sayangs' me, even though the very next moment, her small hands dive for my hair (she has a very strong grip :-/).

This is a reminder that all that I am doing is worth it. It is worth the time, the energy, the efforts and the 'sacrifices' made! I wish I can capture every moment. Even though I look forward to the time when Naomi can crawl, walk, run and talk, but I think I will miss this very moment that I have with her, this very present moment.

Mummy loves you always, my precious gift from God.

Sunday, 22 September 2013


It has been a while since I've blogged. In actual fact, I have had written 2 other posts but they are all half done. And by the time I continued on them, Naomi has progressed and the posts seem dated. Hence I have decided to start afresh and chronicle some thoughts about my parenting journey thus far. And the many blessngs that came along with it.

The truth is it has not been an easy journey. There are many ups and downs, and sometimes, when life seems so mundane and monotonous (tiring too!), I do wonder if there is any purpose in me staying home and if it may be better for Naomi and I if she is taken care by someone else instead. But time and again, whenever I start to waver, the Lord would remind me of His call and in essence, it is the call to obedience. I may not see the fruit of this obedience right now, but I just have to be faithful to Him who calls.

It has been 5 months and 2 weeks since I left my job (or any form of sanity for that matter ;p). As much as I may miss my job, and the perks (financial security, social and intellectual stimulation, the motivation to be well-groomed) that come along with it, I do not think that I have the heart to leave Naomi in the charge of someone else now (even trustworthy and loving care-takers like her grandparents!) and return to work. She has grown attached to me as much as I have grown attached to her (well, mummy cannot be out of sight for tooooo long. In people's opinion, it may be a bad thing... i need to train her not to be sticky and to be independent etc. But I'm glad she recognises mummy and I'm sure it won't be long before she decides to detach herself from me! So i'll enjoy it while it lasts. Furthermore, she is only a baby!) And I celebrate every little milestone that she has achieved. Her first spontaneous smile (and not because of muscle reflex), her first turn onto her back, her first babbling/more of croaking in response to people talking to her, her first handshake and high five, her first chuckle, her first time sitting upright (and enjoying it!)... All these I hold dearly to my heart and I am so thankful to have been able to watch her achieve these. And to be a part of it.

I am also grateful to God for my family. It hasn't been an easy adjustment for my hubby too. There are times when we are both frustrated with each other and helpless in this parenting journey. But I am thankful that despite his sense of indequacy, my husband actively helps out and is involved in raising Naomi. I know that despite whatever disagreements we may have, I have a husband who loves me and Naomi and that is more than enough. We will survive! :p I am also thankful for my dad, my parents-in-law, and my extended family. Their love for us and Naomi is evident and it would be a tough journey without their family support.

When I start counting my blessings, the list is endless! I have to say that I have not have had any hiccups in my breastfeeding journey thus far (even if I did, they must be so minute that I can't remember). No cracked/sore/bleeding nipples, no lack of milk supply, no painful engorgement, no preference of bottle over nipple etc. This, I have to give glory to God. I remember praying hard even before the arrival of Naomi, for God to empower and enable me to nurse Naomi successfully. And God has blessed me abundantly, beyond what I could have ever asked for. My success has to also be attributed to a dear friend (you know who you are!), who has encouraged me along the journey, who has come down personally to show me the ropes of bfg, who is on call 24/7 for me to ask questions or to raise concerns. Such a precious gift of friendship! And I am thankful for her love for me. :) These are the countless blessings of God, what is there left for me to complain!

God has been so good to my family and I in so many ways. He has answered many prayers that I have uttered to him, even on seemingly small matters. If I am to write them down, this blog would be too lengthy! I can only proclaim that truly, my God is good all the time! He does not promise a bed of roses as we go through life. But He promises His presence and Himself. What or who can supersede that!

Tuesday, 27 August 2013


I have a confession to make. My water-loving baby has developed a fear of water and baths because of me.  :-/ This overly zealous mummy, upon seeing how her little one loved to splash about in her tiny bath tub, decided to up her adventure and plonked her into an adult-sized bath tub (with mummy of course), forgetting that she is just a four month old baby! She loved water, so she would probably love splashing in a bigger tub, no? I was so wrong! And great is my regret!

Naomi now dreads her bath and the sight of her bath tub makes her cry. Her baths which used to be a breeze has now turned into a nightmare for the both of us and a major disappointment for me. My well-meaning intentions have backfired and I can't help being upset with myself for ruining my daughter's favourite time of the day. It has always brought me much delight seeing her smile and kick around in the water. Now, she just wants it to be over. Sigh, what have I done? I can't help feeling guilty for causing my daughter to fear water and I pray fervently that God will grant me the wisdom to know how to help her overcome it. My dream of bringing her to the pool, teaching her how to swim and swimming with her seems dashed at the moment. What have I done?!

But like what my husband has reminded me, maybe I am being too hard on myself. We are first-time parents after all and we make mistakes. We learn from them and grow. Why do I need to beat myself up over it? Plus, not knowing how to swim is not a matter of life or death (to the obstinate me, it is. Isn't it a vital life skill?) Perhaps he is right. I am being too harsh on myself. Yet, there is that twinge of guilt whenever it is time for Naomi's bath and my heart aches (literally) whenever I see her cry so miserably during bath times. I can't help but feel that it is my fault.

Maybe this is a learning journey more for me, than for Naomi to overcome her fear of water. As my husband has so aptly put it, I can't expect myself to be that perfect parent. He is right.

Subconsciously, I am afraid of making mistakes. Afraid of harming or affecting Naomi through my mistakes. Afraid of failing as a parent. At the heart of it, I need to die to myself and learn to trust God in this parenting journey. I need to cease striving and be that imperfect parent that God can mold and shape. I am thankful that God is sovereign and I can have that assurance that even if I make a thousand and one mistakes, Naomi is and will be well-taken care of by God. Because Her maker and her Abba Father loves her more than I can ever do. I need to stop putting myself on a guilt trip. I need to trust God in a time like this (though it seems like a small matter) to help Naomi overcome her fear of water and develop the love for it again. I don't know how long it will take. Maybe days, weeks or months. But I will trust God to help her. I will trust my God even in my imperfections. This parenting journey is for me, for my growth. And perhaps, God in his love for me, has allowed me to make that mistake so that I can see the old me that needs to be died to. That Lydia who so fears making mistakes.

And Naomi, mummy will always be an imperfect mummy. I ask that you will forgive me in time to come for all the mistakes that I have and will make while bringing you up. I only pray that through papa's and my life, we will point you to Jesus, even in all of our imperfections and weaknesses.

Loving you always,

Monday, 19 August 2013

Kids v.s. freedom

A friend casually asked me one day if given the opportunity to do it all over again, would I choose to have personal freedom or kids. Without a second thought, I chose kids. However, if I could do it differently, I may choose to have kids slightly later to enjoy more couple time with my hubby (but Naomi, we DO NOT regret having you and we love you lots!).

Why kids and not freedom? I have to admit that having kids take up a lot of time and energy (unless one decides to 'outsource' his kids, but then what is the point of having them then?) and as my previous posts have mentioned, it has a great impact on my personal and family life. No longer can I do whatever I please, go wherever I want, as and when I desire to. I have to think about my little one and look out for her well-being. I have to make sacrifices. Therein lies the beauty of having children. I learn to put my husband's and daughter's interests above my own. I learn to serve them (many times it means not getting my 'own' way). I learn to become less self-centered and self-absorbed. I learn to be more patient. In the process, I become (I hope it is true, that you will have to ask my husband!) a better person (and more importantly, more like Christ). When you have a child, you learn to love the child unconditionally and would do all for the best interests of the child. One would not be able to fully comprehend this unless one becomes a parent (my husband says he loves our daughter sooooo much and would die for her, he has never ever said that to me! :p). It is also through parenting that I catch a glimpse of my Abba Father's heart for me. Even though it has only been about four and a half months, but I know that my greatest joy would be to see Naomi (and my future kids to come) love and serve the Lord. It would be great if they become full-time servants of the Lord!

It is meaningless to live for oneself. After all, we would all die one day and what would we live behind? Who will remember us? Will our lives make any impact on others at all? Does it really matter that we get to travel the world (many peers have commented that they would rather travel the world than have kids)? The people in whom we can greatly impact for Christ are our children. They live with us, watch us and emulate us. 24/7. It is God's charge to us to be fruitful and multiply! And more significantly, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up...' (Deut6:5-9) It is a high calling to be a parent and to disciple our children. We never know, they may become the movers and shakers of the next generation or even their community, whatever the Lord calls them to. It is exciting to join God in His work of making disciples of our children! We may get all the freedom in the world and get to enjoy all the luxuries of the world, without bearing the heavy yet priceless responsibility of raising our children in His ways, yet at the end of it all, it may just be as King Soloman has said, 'vanity, all is vanity!'

I have to qualify that we should not have children simply for the sake of having them, or for the fear of growing old alone, else we will not have captured God's heartbeat for parents (and we will probably be parenting our children according to our own wisdom and ways). Until and unless we see God's call upon our lives to raise up a godly generation, all our efforts in parenting (or lack of) will be in vain.

Naomi, mummy prays that papa and mummy will have the opportunity to lead you to Christ.

Loving you always,

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Blessings from God

God has been good to me and Naomi! The physical and mental tiredness of being a sahm does take its toll on my spiritual life at times. The mundaneness and busyness of everyday life sometimes siphons away from me the joy of reading God's word. Yet in the deepest recesses of my heart, there is a longing and desire to know God and His word even in this season of my life. Also, I have been hoping for some sort of support group with fellow mothers as well. So, I committed this desire of my heart unto the Lord. 

Interestingly, out of the blue, my sis-in-law told me that there is a bible study fellowship for mothers and their children (she doesn't know that she is an answered prayer!). Excited, I immediately enquired about it and attended its introductory class. However, at the back of my mind, there were many concerns. Will I be able to handle Naomi on my own? Will I have the time and energy to do the assigned homework? Will Naomi be able to mix around with other children? Will she catch a virus and fall ill? The list is endless... But as I surrendered and committed it to the Lord, I asked the Lord to open the way if it is His will for me to join (it usually takes a few months of waiting before one can get a place in bsf). Amazingly, that very afternoon I received a call from the bsf leader that I have a place and I can start the very next week! My group leader also commented that I am the first participant who could get in so immediately. This has to be the hand of God! 

God also sent an angel (a complete stranger!) to give me a lift to my destination after the introductory lesson at bsf! I was worried during the session as I heard thunder and the sky was overcast, and was praying in my heart that God will hold back the rain. But my God gave me a better deal! :) I still have concerns how I am to manage every week bringing naomi along for bible study class but my God will take care of all of my needs. 

Another thanksgiving! Naomi has reached another milestone! She was able to flip over on her own last week and today, she was able to flip herself back again. I celebrate these little successes of my daughter's and am thankful to be able to witness them. 

Naomi, mummy and papa will always be the cheerleader and supporter in your life! 

Monday, 12 August 2013

Confused mummy

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if I have got it all together as a mother. There are countless of parenting theories out in the market and plenty of advice from family and friends. Am I doing it right? Or have I done something unwittingly detrimental in the course of my parenting to my daughter's and maybe at times, my own well-being? Even seemingly simple things like should I introduce a pacifier to my daughter or allow her to suck her little thumb, should I train her to sleep independently or nurse her to sleep, should I use a pram or a carrier when bringing her out (the list is endless), confound me at times. At times, the good-willed and well-meaning advice and comments flood in from all corners and leave me perplexed.

It doesn't help on days when naomi is uncooperative and cries her lungs out, inconsolable. Or when she bawls when she needs to sleep and mummy isn't around, and no one seems able to comfort her despite their efforts. My parenting philosophy has evolved either consciously or unconciously over time and it may not be the best. But perhaps there isn't a one-size fit all parenting practice as each child is different and unique. So I do that which is comfortable for me. And as a friend has so wisely put it, use my motherly instinct. Thus, I nurse my little one to sleep (saves me the energy trying to comfort her on days when she is cranky. If it doesn't work, I put her in a sling. She falls asleep while I walk her in my Boba too! And truth be told, I do enjoy nursing her), I let her suck her tiny thumb (tried the pacifier partly in desperation and partly under pressure, but in all instances, she rejected it), and I don't give her the bottle unless necessary (she latches on all the time).

I am still clueless as to whether I am doing the right thing, I guess I will never know. Time and again I will probably still question myself, if i have done it right. But it really isn't so important after all. I shall make mistakes and learn from them. And I shall adjust my parenting style to suit my child. If she turns out to be sticky to me, then so be it! She will grow up one day and leave my side (so I shall enjoy it while it lasts ;))

My dear Naomi, one day you will become a mother yourself and will probably be as concerned and confused as your mummy here. But it is ok and it is normal. Listen to advice but eventually do what your heart tells you to. Mummy loves you, all your good and your bad, and regardless whether you grow to be an easy or difficult child (I heard from grandma that mummy was a crybaby!). You will understand this when you become a mother yourself!

Lots of love,

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Just some thoughts

I'm slipping in a post while little Naomi naps.

I have been a mother for nearly four months and many things have changed for me and my husband. 'Me' time is now a luxury. Considering that I am an introvert and need personal space and time to think, reflect and be on my own, this is one of the biggest challenges I have faced thus far. No longer can I go for a run, jump into the pool, hit the gym or meet up with friends as and when I want to. Everything is centered around my little one and her schedule. Should I want to sneak in time for a run, it has got to be in the early morn before she rises and before my hubby goes to work. It has been the longest time since I caught a movie. And because I am breastfeeding, it is difficult to be away from my baby for long. Going for a hol with my hubby is unthinkable now (unless I stop bfg :-/). And I am not sure if I have the heart to leave my little one with our parents albeit even for a few days! Time to date with hubby has also decreased dramatically as we adjust to having naomi and meeting her needs (we need to be home before 8 to put her to bed, else she becomes cranky!).

Even my sense of self and identity has been hit. Suddenly I fear being a 'yellow-faced' housewife. I am clad in sloppy tshirts and shorts everyday. Gone were the days where I was dressed in pretty work dresses and smart work suits. There seems to be no or little need for me to shop these days. The only day where I get to dress up is Sunday and even then the motivation is low considering that I have to go back after church. No more fancy dresses too! I have to make do with two-pieced clothings and loose-fitting tops to facilitate breastfeeding. How not to look auntie! :-/

I miss the times chatting and gossipping with my colleagues and students too. At the back of my mind, I fear becoming mentally incapacitated, I need the mental stimulation! Thus I think taking up tuition might be a good option to keep me mentally sound and growing. Yet, there is also a part of me that fears that I have already become dumb to be an effective teacher. Maybe, blogging helps too. At least I pause to think and reflect about my life. These are indeed the real challenges of being a mother!

Having said all these, I am still thankful to have the privilege of bringing up Naomi. She has had a jab today and has been grouchy because of it, not her usual self! When people came to visit,she hardly responded. But when mummy started talking and playing with her, she threw me a smile! What a joy! At least my daughter recognises me! I have learnt to appreciate the little joys of life, such as watching my little one sleep, having her respond to me and hearing her squeal in delight since becoming a mother. Yes, mothering is tough. But I believe it is one that will be most meaningful too. I cannot guarantee that my daughter will turn out fine. All I pray and ask is that she will grow to know and love the Lord of my life.

P.s it is already n ight while im writing this.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Dedicated to my daughter

This blog is dedicated to my lovely daughter, Naomi, that's why the blog name, 'Sweet Naomi'. Blogging has never been my nature and I feel awkward writing about how I feel or my parenting journey. But, at the suggestion of a dear friend, I have decided to chronicle my journey in parenting my little girl. Hopefully, this will one day serve as a helpful guide in parenting her own child as well as a reminder of the mercies and grace of God in our family's life.

Naomi is now coming 4 months old! How time flies! This journey has had its fairshare of ups and downs, joys and challenges. At times, I do feel like throwing in the towel and going back to work, but it is the Lord's word and call that keeps me going. Being a stay-at-home mum is a high calling! It has challenged my sense of identity and ripped my sense of freedom (even showering and answering the call of nature is a luxury). Sometimes, it seems so much more attractive going back to work (I love my job! And its a bonus to be able to dress well and to socialise with adults), but I know the Lord has called, so there is no turning back and I believe I will reap the fruit of it in the future. However, I must add that I am very thankful to be able to watch my child grow and reach every little milestone. Should I be at work, I would have missed all of that and would have to hear second-hand accounts of these experiences. Whenever I bring naomi to the playground, I see many children running around. However, they are often accompanied by their helpers instead of their parents. It suddenly dawned upon me that it is a privilege to be able to bring my daughter out for walks whenever I want to and to spend extended time with her. This, I am thankful and am grateful for my hubby who has graciously granted me his blessing to stay home.

This is what I would like to tell Naomi: Mummy and Papa will always love you. And one day, if the Lord so leads you to stay home to raise your kids, do it! This goes against the grains of society but I pray that by me spending time with you, you will see God and experience His love and reality. You will also be drawn to God, to know Him and His son and the Holy Spirit and to make Him known. Your time, marriage and a life that loves the Lord are the best things you can ever give your children. So if the Lord calls, obey him and you will never regret doing so, just like how mummy doesnt regret stopping work to care for you. Always love the Lord!

Lots of love,