I have a confession to make. My water-loving baby has developed a fear of water and baths because of me. :-/ This overly zealous mummy, upon seeing how her little one loved to splash about in her tiny bath tub, decided to up her adventure and plonked her into an adult-sized bath tub (with mummy of course), forgetting that she is just a four month old baby! She loved water, so she would probably love splashing in a bigger tub, no? I was so wrong! And great is my regret!
Naomi now dreads her bath and the sight of her bath tub makes her cry. Her baths which used to be a breeze has now turned into a nightmare for the both of us and a major disappointment for me. My well-meaning intentions have backfired and I can't help being upset with myself for ruining my daughter's favourite time of the day. It has always brought me much delight seeing her smile and kick around in the water. Now, she just wants it to be over. Sigh, what have I done? I can't help feeling guilty for causing my daughter to fear water and I pray fervently that God will grant me the wisdom to know how to help her overcome it. My dream of bringing her to the pool, teaching her how to swim and swimming with her seems dashed at the moment. What have I done?!
But like what my husband has reminded me, maybe I am being too hard on myself. We are first-time parents after all and we make mistakes. We learn from them and grow. Why do I need to beat myself up over it? Plus, not knowing how to swim is not a matter of life or death (to the obstinate me, it is. Isn't it a vital life skill?) Perhaps he is right. I am being too harsh on myself. Yet, there is that twinge of guilt whenever it is time for Naomi's bath and my heart aches (literally) whenever I see her cry so miserably during bath times. I can't help but feel that it is my fault.
Maybe this is a learning journey more for me, than for Naomi to overcome her fear of water. As my husband has so aptly put it, I can't expect myself to be that perfect parent. He is right.
Subconsciously, I am afraid of making mistakes. Afraid of harming or affecting Naomi through my mistakes. Afraid of failing as a parent. At the heart of it, I need to die to myself and learn to trust God in this parenting journey. I need to cease striving and be that imperfect parent that God can mold and shape. I am thankful that God is sovereign and I can have that assurance that even if I make a thousand and one mistakes, Naomi is and will be well-taken care of by God. Because Her maker and her Abba Father loves her more than I can ever do. I need to stop putting myself on a guilt trip. I need to trust God in a time like this (though it seems like a small matter) to help Naomi overcome her fear of water and develop the love for it again. I don't know how long it will take. Maybe days, weeks or months. But I will trust God to help her. I will trust my God even in my imperfections. This parenting journey is for me, for my growth. And perhaps, God in his love for me, has allowed me to make that mistake so that I can see the old me that needs to be died to. That Lydia who so fears making mistakes.
And Naomi, mummy will always be an imperfect mummy. I ask that you will forgive me in time to come for all the mistakes that I have and will make while bringing you up. I only pray that through papa's and my life, we will point you to Jesus, even in all of our imperfections and weaknesses.
Loving you always,
Mummy
Tuesday 27 August 2013
Monday 19 August 2013
Kids v.s. freedom
A friend casually asked me one day if given the opportunity to do it all over again, would I choose to have personal freedom or kids. Without a second thought, I chose kids. However, if I could do it differently, I may choose to have kids slightly later to enjoy more couple time with my hubby (but Naomi, we DO NOT regret having you and we love you lots!).
Why kids and not freedom? I have to admit that having kids take up a lot of time and energy (unless one decides to 'outsource' his kids, but then what is the point of having them then?) and as my previous posts have mentioned, it has a great impact on my personal and family life. No longer can I do whatever I please, go wherever I want, as and when I desire to. I have to think about my little one and look out for her well-being. I have to make sacrifices. Therein lies the beauty of having children. I learn to put my husband's and daughter's interests above my own. I learn to serve them (many times it means not getting my 'own' way). I learn to become less self-centered and self-absorbed. I learn to be more patient. In the process, I become (I hope it is true, that you will have to ask my husband!) a better person (and more importantly, more like Christ). When you have a child, you learn to love the child unconditionally and would do all for the best interests of the child. One would not be able to fully comprehend this unless one becomes a parent (my husband says he loves our daughter sooooo much and would die for her, he has never ever said that to me! :p). It is also through parenting that I catch a glimpse of my Abba Father's heart for me. Even though it has only been about four and a half months, but I know that my greatest joy would be to see Naomi (and my future kids to come) love and serve the Lord. It would be great if they become full-time servants of the Lord!
It is meaningless to live for oneself. After all, we would all die one day and what would we live behind? Who will remember us? Will our lives make any impact on others at all? Does it really matter that we get to travel the world (many peers have commented that they would rather travel the world than have kids)? The people in whom we can greatly impact for Christ are our children. They live with us, watch us and emulate us. 24/7. It is God's charge to us to be fruitful and multiply! And more significantly, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up...' (Deut6:5-9) It is a high calling to be a parent and to disciple our children. We never know, they may become the movers and shakers of the next generation or even their community, whatever the Lord calls them to. It is exciting to join God in His work of making disciples of our children! We may get all the freedom in the world and get to enjoy all the luxuries of the world, without bearing the heavy yet priceless responsibility of raising our children in His ways, yet at the end of it all, it may just be as King Soloman has said, 'vanity, all is vanity!'
I have to qualify that we should not have children simply for the sake of having them, or for the fear of growing old alone, else we will not have captured God's heartbeat for parents (and we will probably be parenting our children according to our own wisdom and ways). Until and unless we see God's call upon our lives to raise up a godly generation, all our efforts in parenting (or lack of) will be in vain.
Naomi, mummy prays that papa and mummy will have the opportunity to lead you to Christ.
Loving you always,
Mummy
Why kids and not freedom? I have to admit that having kids take up a lot of time and energy (unless one decides to 'outsource' his kids, but then what is the point of having them then?) and as my previous posts have mentioned, it has a great impact on my personal and family life. No longer can I do whatever I please, go wherever I want, as and when I desire to. I have to think about my little one and look out for her well-being. I have to make sacrifices. Therein lies the beauty of having children. I learn to put my husband's and daughter's interests above my own. I learn to serve them (many times it means not getting my 'own' way). I learn to become less self-centered and self-absorbed. I learn to be more patient. In the process, I become (I hope it is true, that you will have to ask my husband!) a better person (and more importantly, more like Christ). When you have a child, you learn to love the child unconditionally and would do all for the best interests of the child. One would not be able to fully comprehend this unless one becomes a parent (my husband says he loves our daughter sooooo much and would die for her, he has never ever said that to me! :p). It is also through parenting that I catch a glimpse of my Abba Father's heart for me. Even though it has only been about four and a half months, but I know that my greatest joy would be to see Naomi (and my future kids to come) love and serve the Lord. It would be great if they become full-time servants of the Lord!
It is meaningless to live for oneself. After all, we would all die one day and what would we live behind? Who will remember us? Will our lives make any impact on others at all? Does it really matter that we get to travel the world (many peers have commented that they would rather travel the world than have kids)? The people in whom we can greatly impact for Christ are our children. They live with us, watch us and emulate us. 24/7. It is God's charge to us to be fruitful and multiply! And more significantly, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up...' (Deut6:5-9) It is a high calling to be a parent and to disciple our children. We never know, they may become the movers and shakers of the next generation or even their community, whatever the Lord calls them to. It is exciting to join God in His work of making disciples of our children! We may get all the freedom in the world and get to enjoy all the luxuries of the world, without bearing the heavy yet priceless responsibility of raising our children in His ways, yet at the end of it all, it may just be as King Soloman has said, 'vanity, all is vanity!'
I have to qualify that we should not have children simply for the sake of having them, or for the fear of growing old alone, else we will not have captured God's heartbeat for parents (and we will probably be parenting our children according to our own wisdom and ways). Until and unless we see God's call upon our lives to raise up a godly generation, all our efforts in parenting (or lack of) will be in vain.
Naomi, mummy prays that papa and mummy will have the opportunity to lead you to Christ.
Loving you always,
Mummy
Sunday 18 August 2013
Blessings from God
God has been good to me and Naomi! The physical and mental tiredness of being a sahm does take its toll on my spiritual life at times. The mundaneness and busyness of everyday life sometimes siphons away from me the joy of reading God's word. Yet in the deepest recesses of my heart, there is a longing and desire to know God and His word even in this season of my life. Also, I have been hoping for some sort of support group with fellow mothers as well. So, I committed this desire of my heart unto the Lord.
Interestingly, out of the blue, my sis-in-law told me that there is a bible study fellowship for mothers and their children (she doesn't know that she is an answered prayer!). Excited, I immediately enquired about it and attended its introductory class. However, at the back of my mind, there were many concerns. Will I be able to handle Naomi on my own? Will I have the time and energy to do the assigned homework? Will Naomi be able to mix around with other children? Will she catch a virus and fall ill? The list is endless... But as I surrendered and committed it to the Lord, I asked the Lord to open the way if it is His will for me to join (it usually takes a few months of waiting before one can get a place in bsf). Amazingly, that very afternoon I received a call from the bsf leader that I have a place and I can start the very next week! My group leader also commented that I am the first participant who could get in so immediately. This has to be the hand of God!
God also sent an angel (a complete stranger!) to give me a lift to my destination after the introductory lesson at bsf! I was worried during the session as I heard thunder and the sky was overcast, and was praying in my heart that God will hold back the rain. But my God gave me a better deal! :) I still have concerns how I am to manage every week bringing naomi along for bible study class but my God will take care of all of my needs.
Another thanksgiving! Naomi has reached another milestone! She was able to flip over on her own last week and today, she was able to flip herself back again. I celebrate these little successes of my daughter's and am thankful to be able to witness them.
Naomi, mummy and papa will always be the cheerleader and supporter in your life!
Monday 12 August 2013
Confused mummy
Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if I have got it all together as a mother. There are countless of parenting theories out in the market and plenty of advice from family and friends. Am I doing it right? Or have I done something unwittingly detrimental in the course of my parenting to my daughter's and maybe at times, my own well-being? Even seemingly simple things like should I introduce a pacifier to my daughter or allow her to suck her little thumb, should I train her to sleep independently or nurse her to sleep, should I use a pram or a carrier when bringing her out (the list is endless), confound me at times. At times, the good-willed and well-meaning advice and comments flood in from all corners and leave me perplexed.
It doesn't help on days when naomi is uncooperative and cries her lungs out, inconsolable. Or when she bawls when she needs to sleep and mummy isn't around, and no one seems able to comfort her despite their efforts. My parenting philosophy has evolved either consciously or unconciously over time and it may not be the best. But perhaps there isn't a one-size fit all parenting practice as each child is different and unique. So I do that which is comfortable for me. And as a friend has so wisely put it, use my motherly instinct. Thus, I nurse my little one to sleep (saves me the energy trying to comfort her on days when she is cranky. If it doesn't work, I put her in a sling. She falls asleep while I walk her in my Boba too! And truth be told, I do enjoy nursing her), I let her suck her tiny thumb (tried the pacifier partly in desperation and partly under pressure, but in all instances, she rejected it), and I don't give her the bottle unless necessary (she latches on all the time).
I am still clueless as to whether I am doing the right thing, I guess I will never know. Time and again I will probably still question myself, if i have done it right. But it really isn't so important after all. I shall make mistakes and learn from them. And I shall adjust my parenting style to suit my child. If she turns out to be sticky to me, then so be it! She will grow up one day and leave my side (so I shall enjoy it while it lasts ;))
My dear Naomi, one day you will become a mother yourself and will probably be as concerned and confused as your mummy here. But it is ok and it is normal. Listen to advice but eventually do what your heart tells you to. Mummy loves you, all your good and your bad, and regardless whether you grow to be an easy or difficult child (I heard from grandma that mummy was a crybaby!). You will understand this when you become a mother yourself!
Lots of love,
Mummy
It doesn't help on days when naomi is uncooperative and cries her lungs out, inconsolable. Or when she bawls when she needs to sleep and mummy isn't around, and no one seems able to comfort her despite their efforts. My parenting philosophy has evolved either consciously or unconciously over time and it may not be the best. But perhaps there isn't a one-size fit all parenting practice as each child is different and unique. So I do that which is comfortable for me. And as a friend has so wisely put it, use my motherly instinct. Thus, I nurse my little one to sleep (saves me the energy trying to comfort her on days when she is cranky. If it doesn't work, I put her in a sling. She falls asleep while I walk her in my Boba too! And truth be told, I do enjoy nursing her), I let her suck her tiny thumb (tried the pacifier partly in desperation and partly under pressure, but in all instances, she rejected it), and I don't give her the bottle unless necessary (she latches on all the time).
I am still clueless as to whether I am doing the right thing, I guess I will never know. Time and again I will probably still question myself, if i have done it right. But it really isn't so important after all. I shall make mistakes and learn from them. And I shall adjust my parenting style to suit my child. If she turns out to be sticky to me, then so be it! She will grow up one day and leave my side (so I shall enjoy it while it lasts ;))
My dear Naomi, one day you will become a mother yourself and will probably be as concerned and confused as your mummy here. But it is ok and it is normal. Listen to advice but eventually do what your heart tells you to. Mummy loves you, all your good and your bad, and regardless whether you grow to be an easy or difficult child (I heard from grandma that mummy was a crybaby!). You will understand this when you become a mother yourself!
Lots of love,
Mummy
Tuesday 6 August 2013
Just some thoughts
I'm slipping in a post while little Naomi naps.
I have been a mother for nearly four months and many things have changed for me and my husband. 'Me' time is now a luxury. Considering that I am an introvert and need personal space and time to think, reflect and be on my own, this is one of the biggest challenges I have faced thus far. No longer can I go for a run, jump into the pool, hit the gym or meet up with friends as and when I want to. Everything is centered around my little one and her schedule. Should I want to sneak in time for a run, it has got to be in the early morn before she rises and before my hubby goes to work. It has been the longest time since I caught a movie. And because I am breastfeeding, it is difficult to be away from my baby for long. Going for a hol with my hubby is unthinkable now (unless I stop bfg :-/). And I am not sure if I have the heart to leave my little one with our parents albeit even for a few days! Time to date with hubby has also decreased dramatically as we adjust to having naomi and meeting her needs (we need to be home before 8 to put her to bed, else she becomes cranky!).
Even my sense of self and identity has been hit. Suddenly I fear being a 'yellow-faced' housewife. I am clad in sloppy tshirts and shorts everyday. Gone were the days where I was dressed in pretty work dresses and smart work suits. There seems to be no or little need for me to shop these days. The only day where I get to dress up is Sunday and even then the motivation is low considering that I have to go back after church. No more fancy dresses too! I have to make do with two-pieced clothings and loose-fitting tops to facilitate breastfeeding. How not to look auntie! :-/
I miss the times chatting and gossipping with my colleagues and students too. At the back of my mind, I fear becoming mentally incapacitated, I need the mental stimulation! Thus I think taking up tuition might be a good option to keep me mentally sound and growing. Yet, there is also a part of me that fears that I have already become dumb to be an effective teacher. Maybe, blogging helps too. At least I pause to think and reflect about my life. These are indeed the real challenges of being a mother!
Having said all these, I am still thankful to have the privilege of bringing up Naomi. She has had a jab today and has been grouchy because of it, not her usual self! When people came to visit,she hardly responded. But when mummy started talking and playing with her, she threw me a smile! What a joy! At least my daughter recognises me! I have learnt to appreciate the little joys of life, such as watching my little one sleep, having her respond to me and hearing her squeal in delight since becoming a mother. Yes, mothering is tough. But I believe it is one that will be most meaningful too. I cannot guarantee that my daughter will turn out fine. All I pray and ask is that she will grow to know and love the Lord of my life.
P.s it is already n ight while im writing this.
I have been a mother for nearly four months and many things have changed for me and my husband. 'Me' time is now a luxury. Considering that I am an introvert and need personal space and time to think, reflect and be on my own, this is one of the biggest challenges I have faced thus far. No longer can I go for a run, jump into the pool, hit the gym or meet up with friends as and when I want to. Everything is centered around my little one and her schedule. Should I want to sneak in time for a run, it has got to be in the early morn before she rises and before my hubby goes to work. It has been the longest time since I caught a movie. And because I am breastfeeding, it is difficult to be away from my baby for long. Going for a hol with my hubby is unthinkable now (unless I stop bfg :-/). And I am not sure if I have the heart to leave my little one with our parents albeit even for a few days! Time to date with hubby has also decreased dramatically as we adjust to having naomi and meeting her needs (we need to be home before 8 to put her to bed, else she becomes cranky!).
Even my sense of self and identity has been hit. Suddenly I fear being a 'yellow-faced' housewife. I am clad in sloppy tshirts and shorts everyday. Gone were the days where I was dressed in pretty work dresses and smart work suits. There seems to be no or little need for me to shop these days. The only day where I get to dress up is Sunday and even then the motivation is low considering that I have to go back after church. No more fancy dresses too! I have to make do with two-pieced clothings and loose-fitting tops to facilitate breastfeeding. How not to look auntie! :-/
I miss the times chatting and gossipping with my colleagues and students too. At the back of my mind, I fear becoming mentally incapacitated, I need the mental stimulation! Thus I think taking up tuition might be a good option to keep me mentally sound and growing. Yet, there is also a part of me that fears that I have already become dumb to be an effective teacher. Maybe, blogging helps too. At least I pause to think and reflect about my life. These are indeed the real challenges of being a mother!
Having said all these, I am still thankful to have the privilege of bringing up Naomi. She has had a jab today and has been grouchy because of it, not her usual self! When people came to visit,she hardly responded. But when mummy started talking and playing with her, she threw me a smile! What a joy! At least my daughter recognises me! I have learnt to appreciate the little joys of life, such as watching my little one sleep, having her respond to me and hearing her squeal in delight since becoming a mother. Yes, mothering is tough. But I believe it is one that will be most meaningful too. I cannot guarantee that my daughter will turn out fine. All I pray and ask is that she will grow to know and love the Lord of my life.
P.s it is already n ight while im writing this.
Monday 5 August 2013
Dedicated to my daughter
This blog is dedicated to my lovely daughter, Naomi, that's why the blog name, 'Sweet Naomi'. Blogging has never been my nature and I feel awkward writing about how I feel or my parenting journey. But, at the suggestion of a dear friend, I have decided to chronicle my journey in parenting my little girl. Hopefully, this will one day serve as a helpful guide in parenting her own child as well as a reminder of the mercies and grace of God in our family's life.
Naomi is now coming 4 months old! How time flies! This journey has had its fairshare of ups and downs, joys and challenges. At times, I do feel like throwing in the towel and going back to work, but it is the Lord's word and call that keeps me going. Being a stay-at-home mum is a high calling! It has challenged my sense of identity and ripped my sense of freedom (even showering and answering the call of nature is a luxury). Sometimes, it seems so much more attractive going back to work (I love my job! And its a bonus to be able to dress well and to socialise with adults), but I know the Lord has called, so there is no turning back and I believe I will reap the fruit of it in the future. However, I must add that I am very thankful to be able to watch my child grow and reach every little milestone. Should I be at work, I would have missed all of that and would have to hear second-hand accounts of these experiences. Whenever I bring naomi to the playground, I see many children running around. However, they are often accompanied by their helpers instead of their parents. It suddenly dawned upon me that it is a privilege to be able to bring my daughter out for walks whenever I want to and to spend extended time with her. This, I am thankful and am grateful for my hubby who has graciously granted me his blessing to stay home.
This is what I would like to tell Naomi: Mummy and Papa will always love you. And one day, if the Lord so leads you to stay home to raise your kids, do it! This goes against the grains of society but I pray that by me spending time with you, you will see God and experience His love and reality. You will also be drawn to God, to know Him and His son and the Holy Spirit and to make Him known. Your time, marriage and a life that loves the Lord are the best things you can ever give your children. So if the Lord calls, obey him and you will never regret doing so, just like how mummy doesnt regret stopping work to care for you. Always love the Lord!
Lots of love,
Mummy
Naomi is now coming 4 months old! How time flies! This journey has had its fairshare of ups and downs, joys and challenges. At times, I do feel like throwing in the towel and going back to work, but it is the Lord's word and call that keeps me going. Being a stay-at-home mum is a high calling! It has challenged my sense of identity and ripped my sense of freedom (even showering and answering the call of nature is a luxury). Sometimes, it seems so much more attractive going back to work (I love my job! And its a bonus to be able to dress well and to socialise with adults), but I know the Lord has called, so there is no turning back and I believe I will reap the fruit of it in the future. However, I must add that I am very thankful to be able to watch my child grow and reach every little milestone. Should I be at work, I would have missed all of that and would have to hear second-hand accounts of these experiences. Whenever I bring naomi to the playground, I see many children running around. However, they are often accompanied by their helpers instead of their parents. It suddenly dawned upon me that it is a privilege to be able to bring my daughter out for walks whenever I want to and to spend extended time with her. This, I am thankful and am grateful for my hubby who has graciously granted me his blessing to stay home.
This is what I would like to tell Naomi: Mummy and Papa will always love you. And one day, if the Lord so leads you to stay home to raise your kids, do it! This goes against the grains of society but I pray that by me spending time with you, you will see God and experience His love and reality. You will also be drawn to God, to know Him and His son and the Holy Spirit and to make Him known. Your time, marriage and a life that loves the Lord are the best things you can ever give your children. So if the Lord calls, obey him and you will never regret doing so, just like how mummy doesnt regret stopping work to care for you. Always love the Lord!
Lots of love,
Mummy
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