Just some thoughts

I'm slipping in a post while little Naomi naps.

I have been a mother for nearly four months and many things have changed for me and my husband. 'Me' time is now a luxury. Considering that I am an introvert and need personal space and time to think, reflect and be on my own, this is one of the biggest challenges I have faced thus far. No longer can I go for a run, jump into the pool, hit the gym or meet up with friends as and when I want to. Everything is centered around my little one and her schedule. Should I want to sneak in time for a run, it has got to be in the early morn before she rises and before my hubby goes to work. It has been the longest time since I caught a movie. And because I am breastfeeding, it is difficult to be away from my baby for long. Going for a hol with my hubby is unthinkable now (unless I stop bfg :-/). And I am not sure if I have the heart to leave my little one with our parents albeit even for a few days! Time to date with hubby has also decreased dramatically as we adjust to having naomi and meeting her needs (we need to be home before 8 to put her to bed, else she becomes cranky!).

Even my sense of self and identity has been hit. Suddenly I fear being a 'yellow-faced' housewife. I am clad in sloppy tshirts and shorts everyday. Gone were the days where I was dressed in pretty work dresses and smart work suits. There seems to be no or little need for me to shop these days. The only day where I get to dress up is Sunday and even then the motivation is low considering that I have to go back after church. No more fancy dresses too! I have to make do with two-pieced clothings and loose-fitting tops to facilitate breastfeeding. How not to look auntie! :-/

I miss the times chatting and gossipping with my colleagues and students too. At the back of my mind, I fear becoming mentally incapacitated, I need the mental stimulation! Thus I think taking up tuition might be a good option to keep me mentally sound and growing. Yet, there is also a part of me that fears that I have already become dumb to be an effective teacher. Maybe, blogging helps too. At least I pause to think and reflect about my life. These are indeed the real challenges of being a mother!

Having said all these, I am still thankful to have the privilege of bringing up Naomi. She has had a jab today and has been grouchy because of it, not her usual self! When people came to visit,she hardly responded. But when mummy started talking and playing with her, she threw me a smile! What a joy! At least my daughter recognises me! I have learnt to appreciate the little joys of life, such as watching my little one sleep, having her respond to me and hearing her squeal in delight since becoming a mother. Yes, mothering is tough. But I believe it is one that will be most meaningful too. I cannot guarantee that my daughter will turn out fine. All I pray and ask is that she will grow to know and love the Lord of my life.

P.s it is already n ight while im writing this.